We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
