ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
