Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
