how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
