Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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