you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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