just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
