I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
