HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
