Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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