I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
