There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
