So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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