I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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