i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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