My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
