she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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