I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
