Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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