I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
