I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
