What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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