I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
