; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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