A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
