He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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