They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
