Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
