Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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