You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just pynch a tree in the face
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
