11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
