Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
