my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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