Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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