Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
