I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
