It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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