i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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