Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
