We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
