It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
