Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
