i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
