Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
