Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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