so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this boner is exhausting
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
