I intend to get homeless drunk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
