He told me they were just razor bumps!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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