i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
3pm strippers are depressing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
