i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
